Listening to: Janis Joplin - Take another piece of my heart.

Harlen stayed and we had a good deal going for a while, he had extraordinary talents as a cook, often fixing dinner when Liam came over. as to why i had not seen Liam for months, he offered no explanation, other than he had been busy with some family related things, and had had no time to himself.

Harlen and i led seperate lives, he would clean and cook, and i would work like mad, it was like being husband and wife, besides the fact that he was a busy dater, and often went to clubs 5 nights a week, leaving me at home alone, which was fine with me really.

One night as Harlen was out, Liam came over, and we had a really nice time, but as we got to bed i could feel he was acting strange, allmost as he was upset about something, and tried to take it out on me. As we got out of be, he just stood up and pulled on his underwear, walking towards the bathroom, "Liam?" i said, confused about his very uncharacteristic behaviour. "whats wrong?"

"nothing" he said, with his back to me.

"come on man, i can feel there is something wrong, youre acting strange" I said, turning around to look at him, but he still had his back to me "one you show up without calling first, two, this.. you usually like to snuggle" i could hear how childish it sounded, but i was really convinced that there was something completely off here.

"Cain" he said, his shoulders slumped "I..I.. you are right, i have to tell you something"

My heart beat like mad, but i didnt move i just sat and listened to Liam, watching him fetch his clothes.

"I told you i was busy with family, and... that is true, but everything else is a lie Cain" he finally turned around "i wanted to tell you for a long time, but i found that i liked you too much, and i didnt know how to do it"

"everything else is a .. a lie?" i whispered? feeling my world crumble, just like when Colt had told me he was engaged, only worse, because i had really thought that Liam loved me, and had thought that this could be something more, something forever.

"I.. uhm" Liam said, avoiding my eyes, and then just decided to pull on his pants, he put his hand in his pocket and pulled something out, showing it to me in his palm, it was a ring "I have a wife" he said with a tiny voice, as he slipped the ring back on "i have been married for two years to her, and i never thought that i would be unfaithful, but you Cain, you offered me that special something she cant give me, and i didnt know where ot how to quit, I..."

"again" whispered as i tried to control my hysterical breathing.

He got dressed and was about to leave. he walked over to me and looked at me with tears in his eyes "i really dont want to loose you or what we have, but i think you decerve the truth, you have decerved it for a long time" he whispered.

"Asshole" i hissed "Get out of my house, just leave"

"would you please listen?" liam said, reaching out for me.

I swatted his hand away and pushed him away "no, i have heard enough!" i cried.

"but you havent heard me out" Liam said with a voice full of tears, he grabbed my shoulders and turned me around, facing him "I love you too, i dont think i can be without either of you" he said.

"don't Liam" i whispered and shrugged to get him off me, but he had a tight grip.

After explaining himself, making sure i'd stay put and listen, he left. leaving me all alone in the apartment. twins, his wife had had twins, and that had been his femily emergency. i felt like such an idiot, setting myself up for heartache, i should have left Liam alone, i should have known it was too good to last, i was not that lucky. i was apparently only good for being the mistress, maybe Dorian had been right when he had said that i was only good for one thing. suddenly the apartment seemed too big and dark, and empty. i thought about calling Harlen for a moment, but then decided that he was out having a good time, and that i shouldnt butt in, and so i just went to bed, wishing i would never wake again.

I woke as Harlen came home, and apparently gave him quite the scare when i suddenly stood in the door. "Christ Cain!" he gasped as he saw me "you scared the crap out of me! what are you doing home? its 8in the morning, shouldent you be at the office?"

"Yea well, took the day off" i said with a wollen voice. and looked Harlen up and down, and then smiled sadly "So? had a good time?" i asked.

"i suppose so" Harlen said, looking closely at me, he took a step forward. "have you been crying?" he then asked.

I just nodded, Harlen somehow just saw through me, maybe a side effect of being room mates for so long.

"did he hurt you?" he asked as the most natural thing in the world, as he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tight.

"no and .. yes" i whispered, feeling tears sting in the corners of my eyes again.

Harlen let go of me, and gently wiped off a tear from my cheek "what happened?" he asked.

"he has a wife" i finally whispered "and kids"

"oh, im sorry" Harlen said, genuinly saddened. "forget him, there are better men out there"

"then why do i always meet the scrubs?" i whispered with a smile.

"because you try to hard" he said grinning, taking my hand and leading me over to the dinner table, "sit, i will fix you breakfast"

a week later, the phone rang, and Harlen picked up, while i was making coffee.

"Harlen here" he said.

"you are talking with Dawn, i am Liam's wife, i assume you met you boyfriends work collegue, the guy with the tatoo" Dawn said.

Harlen lit a cigaretted and nodded, "sure i do"

"well we were having a little babyshower for our twins this wedensday, and i would like it very much if you would attend, i didnt really have time to make invitations, so i thought id just call" Dawn explained.

"I dont think.." Harlen said.

"its only for an hour" Dawn answered.

"well i would have to talk to Cain, i dont know if he's busy" Harlen said sweetly, taking a drag of his cigarette.

"sure, but i hope you make it, im looking really forward to seeing you guys" she said.

"sure, thanks for the invitation Dawn" Harlen said and hung up. And then looked at me "Dawn" he stated as he took the coffee cup i handed him. "Liam's wife"

"oh no" i whined, "what now?"

"she wants Liam's collegue and his boyfriend to attend the babyshower this wedensday"

And that next wedensday we stood on Liam's back porch, and with friendly smiles greeted Liam, i could see in his eyes he was nervous, but his body language was confident and host like. As Liam went inside, Harlen swatted me over my shoulder "how the hell can you do this? he growled, still thinking this was the worst idea ever, we had argued all the way in the car.

"i need to see this, ok?" I whispered back. when he huffed in an annoyed way, i had just had it with him. that stupid little nag, he had been nothing but a pain in the ass all day. "would you just play your part? and shut up?" i whispered in a hiss. "and why the hell did you have to wear those slutty clothes, shes going to think i am your goddamn sugar daddy or something"

"what?" Harlen said looking at me in total disbelief.

"whatever dude" i growled. "just behave or go sit in the car"

then Harlen for some strange reason started to cry like a child, and a woman with a baby on her arm opened the door, she was absolutely beautiful, and i assumed she was Dawn. "Are you alright out here?" she said, looking from me to crying Harlen.

Harlen walked inside, and i grabbed his arm, pulling him tight as i was huggung him, holding him close in a tiht grip "behave" i whispered in his ear, threathening.

Harlen shrugged me off, and turned around pushing me backwards, oh great! just what i needed, a freaking scene in Dawn and Liam's kitchen for their babyshower. "Dont tell me what to do like i am a freaking kid!" he said firmly, stomping the ground. "im not a kid anymore"

i bit back 'you could've fooled me' and just nodded in defeat "im sorry Harlen" i said, painfully aware that Dawn was within hearing range, and properly Liam too. "could we just discuss this when we get home?"

Harlen huffed again, but nodded "sure" he said, and stomped out of the kitchen, leaving me there with Dawn.

I took a deep breath, and smiled as i walked over and greeted her "Hi, i am Cain, Liam's co worker, im very sorry for this.. it's a long story" i shrugged appologizing on my shoulders.

"I am Dawn, Liam's wife, and this is Jade" she said with a smile reffering to the baby boy . I smiled back and she let go of my hand, saying "man trouble huh? i know all about that, believe me."

"yea something like that" i said with a little smile.

I went into the living room, somewhat amused by Liam's house, i would never had thought he lived like this, maybe he didnt. Maybe Dawn had arrenged the home, not that she struck me as a home maker either. we all stood there in the living room, Harlen handed off the presents we had brought, and i briefly talked about work with Liam, being introduced to Ruby the other twin in the process, everything went smooth, and i had gotten my wish, i had seen that this was true, that Dawn was flesh and blood, and that Liam's kids were real. somehow i had to see this to make it all add up, and some twisted part of me understood why he could not walk away from this, i was not sure i would have either.

As we got home, Harlen stopped me the minute we got inside, glaring slightly accusing at me "so did you mean that shit you said at Liam's?" he spat.

I took a deep breath "No, not really.. you just pissed me off, ok?"

"for what? Harlen said, "i went there didnt i? i played the part of you boyfriend with convinsion, then what is the problem?"

"no problem" i said, resisting the urge to sigh, i knew he was right, he had done me a favour and i had just yelled at him for not doing it exsactly as i wanted him to. "thank you Harlen, i appriciate it"

He just stood there in silence for a moment "do you really think this outfit is that slutty?"

"for a babyshower?" i said with a smile "Id say you were rather overdressed, or underdressed, depening how you look at it"

Again there was a moment of silence, and then he looked at me all funny, and said "so what do 'you' think? overdressed or underdressed?"

"..I..I " I stuttered, watching as Harlen shifted weight unto his other leg, looking at me with what i could ony decipher as a thing between lust and mistrust. "I like that outfit very much" i finally said, and as Harlen blushed, i couldent resist, and ran a finger down over the fishnet. "but definatly the wrong choise for a babyshower"

Before i knew what was happening, he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me, the fact that i could feel him tremble against me, had me smiling against his lips, Liam had been right, Harlen had been in love with me, i could feel it in his kiss, and in the way he held me close. maybe i was a prick, but that was just something i couldent resist, and so i did it, i had been sad for so long, and had no one to turn to, i kissed him back, hearing him gasp softly as i ran my hands down his back. i backed up into the bedroom still kissing him, if he wanted me that bad, he would have me.

I woke some time in the night, and as i opened my eyes i saw Harlen sleeping peacefully next to me, and my heart missed a beat, my head reeled, Harlen had made me feel so good that i had forgotten when i had felt like this the last. the thought of his soft lips and sweet kisses instantly woke butterflies in my stomach. I quickly sat up, i had to talk to Early, i had to ground myself, i didnt want to feel like this with Harlen, he would just hurt me too, when we went back to our daily routine. i didnt fool myself into thinking that he had really meant it. because i for sure hadent, he was pretty, and he was there. what more could i ask? besides, he was not Early, i didnt want to feel like this with anybody else.

Early had thought there was something terribly wrong, when i called him in the middle of the night, demanding to see him right away. i said that i couldent explain now but i would when i saw him. that was good enough for him, and if i had thought i was happy to hear his voice, it was nothing compared to how thrilled i was to see him in person. my Early.

Early pulled me up some stairs, and closed the door before he turned around and looked at me "Cain, where? what? i mean.."

"i got your number and adress of Junior" i said, pulling him in for a tight embrace "I need you Early, please dont say no, i am very confused, and i need to find myself, and only you can ground me like this"

"Cain" he whispered back as he held me tight "i missed you too"

When it was all over, i found myself in his bathroom, looking into those imposibly green eyes, Early's eyes. this was no substitute, this was really him! "do you know what to do now?" he said with a teasing tone.

"no" i said honestly "but i know i am tired of thinking im in love with anyone but you"

Early smiled amused "you romantic fool Cain"

I nodded a little embarassed, "maybe i am"

Early raised my head with his hand, looking straight at me, "but that is good, we all need to be loved, i dont know what i did to decerve yours, but i know what you did to decerve mine"

i blushed strangely enough, after all i was standing naked with him in a bathroom, "Early"

"now go home to him, and take care Cain" Early whispered kissing my cheek tenderly.

"you knew?" I whispered.

"yea, i can see it on you, just go with the flow man, allow yourself to like him" Early grinned "oh and do come back when you need to be grounded again, i kinda could get used to this therapy"

As i came from from Early's place, i went straight home nd took a bath, oddly enough i felt dirty even if i had just been in a bath with Early. the thought of laying down next to Harlan, smelling of Early was appauling. i had to find a solution to this! and if i werent going to hurt anyone, and most of all myself, it had to be fast.

tbc

-outtakes-

heh... Early looks like a over enthusiastic car sales man. 'i swear the ford pinto is a good car, and this my friend is allmost as good as new'

*snort*

Harlan looks like he could snap that kids neck in a second.