Author: azzy
betaed by: goodbye_sun
warnings: mpreg, abortion, angst, au.
pairring: Cloud/Reno
rating: N17
AN: You prolly don't wanna read this if you're a rabid pro-lifer, im not.. so there! I promised chaotic_binky a story, but i couldn't write what she had initially asked for, so i asked her if a ff7 mpreg would do it, and luckily it would. so here you have it!, there will be a part II, which will be done for bohemianscribe and have a different parring, and no more mpreg. *grins* - And 'no' i did not misspell the title, its a part of some lyrics. Admitted it sounds strange, but it makes sense to me.

I could have cried then.
I should have cried then.

And as the walls come down and
As I look in your eyes
My fear begins to fade
Recalling all of the times
I have died
and will die.
It's all right.

I don't mind.
I don't mind.
I don't mind.

(Tool - H)

For chaotic_binky

Reno sat down on the bed, looking at Cloud, or rather looked at the blond hair that peeked out from under the covers. He had been surprised to not find Cloud anywhere in the apartment when he got home, Cloud had said he would be there when he had left this morning. ”Cloud?” Reno said softly, ”What's wrong?” He placed a hand on the fabric covering Cloud's shoulder.

Cloud moaned annoyed, moving his shoulder away under Reno's hand.

”What's a matter?” Reno asked again, retrieving his hand. Sighing he raked fingers through his hair, not noting until now the blinds were pulled down. So Cloud had closed them? This had to mean he had been here since at least the afternoon, ”Baby, I know something is wrong.”

”Leave me alone,” Cloud mumbled from under the covers.

”Okay,” Reno said, slowly getting off the bed. ”I'll be in the next room, right?” he said, Cloud just groaned again, and Reno left the bedroom, worried. What could be wrong? Was it something he had said? Something he had done? Could it be something else entirely, like something about Shinra? Reno shook his head, and went to turn on the television, trying to take his mind off things.

~*~

Hours later Cloud woke, turning to snuggle against Reno, half asleep. He opened his eyes when he realised there was no one beside him in the bed. Sitting up, Cloud rubbed his eyes, scooting over Reno's side of the bed, swinging his legs out over the mattress, getting to his feet. ”Reno?” he whispered, but as he had suspected, no answer came.

Scratching his bare chest, Cloud reached out for a shirt, pulling it over his head. Reno was a taller than him, but Cloud just rolled up the sleeves. He inhaled the scent on the collar 'Reno' this scent was uniquely Reno's a mix between soap, sandalwood and sweat.

Stepping out from the dark bedroom, Cloud came into the living room, The only light illuminating the room was the television, Cloud stepped closer to the sofa, only to see Reno laying there with his eyes closed, sleeping like a baby, while the t.v. went unwatched. Leaning on the back of the sofa, Cloud leaned over Reno and gently blew air into the red head's ear. ”What are you watching?” he whispered.

Reno woke with such a shock that he almost head butted Cloud in the process, a slower man than Cloud would have conflicted with Reno's forehead. ”What?” Reno gasped. Looking confused at Cloud he finally smiled, ”I was watching...uhm,” Reno turned around looking at the t.v. ”Ehm... naked, fat chicks wresting in jello?” reaching out to caress Cloud's cheek Reno sat up straight in the sofa ”It's very educational I will have you know.”

Cloud smiled strained, ”I'm sure,” he said, closing his eyes when Reno's fingers caressed his cheek. Crawling over the back of the sofa, Cloud came and sat next to Reno. ”Reno,” he started, taking a deep breath and then looking at the man beside him, who looked just as worried as Cloud had feared he would. ”I have to tell you something, something bad.”

”Bad?” Reno repeated.

”Yes,” Cloud said somberly. Resting his head back on the back of the sofa, exposing his neck, Cloud let out a strangled sound. ”I know this is going to sound really unbelievable, but you have to believe me, Reno. I didn't want to tell you anything before I was absolutely sure.”

Reno paled, and wet his lips, ”That bad? Is, is it that black, strange rash like thing? Then I am sure that...”

”No,” Cloud whispered, ”Worse than that.”

”Worse?” Reno whispered, scooting closer to Cloud, taking his lover's hand gingerly.

Cloud turned his head, looking straight into Reno's eyes. ”Sephiroth and I, we have genes directly from Jenova, where as you have been injected with the ones already polluted by Genesis,” Cloud took a breath, ”Apparently...apparently...there were some side effects.”

Reno had eyes as big as teacups, trying to brace himself for what came next, but what Cloud said hit him like a sledgehammer none the less, that he could never have prepared himself for, no matter how he had tried.

”It seems like, I...” Cloud had a hard time saying it, the words kept dying on his lips, ”Something is growing inside me.” When Reno didn't react, Cloud closed his eyes and shook Reno's hand off him, ”There is growing some sort of embryo inside me dammit.”

”You're preggo?” Reno asked surprised, and insane laughter bubbled up inside him.

”Pfft,” Cloud spat, getting up from the sofa, when Reno quickly grabbed his wrist. ”I'm sorry baby,” Reno said, looking somewhat still in shock, and somewhat amused. ”Sit down again,” he pulled Cloud towards him gently, ”Please.”

Cloud sat down again listfully, staring off into the air, not focusing on anything. ”Look, Cloud I'm sorry,” Reno said softly, wrapping an arm around Cloud's shoulders, keeping him in place.

”I want it gone,” Cloud whispered almost inaudible. ”I want that thing out of my body.”

”Now...there,” Reno hushed Cloud. Kissing him gently on the temple. ”I admit its really weird and all, but maybe its not a curse Cloud, maybe its a blessing...I mean...am I even that daddy of that thing?”

”WHAT?” Cloud shouted, pushing Reno off him forcefully, ”How can you even ask that? I don't know what is, worse, you trying to say its a baby, its not! Its a monster! Or if its that you think that you could not have fathered it, or.. Damn it Reno! You are...are...grrrrrft,” Cloud turned on his heels and stomped off into the bedroom.

Reno got out of the sofa in a hurry, running after Cloud, finding him on the bed again, face down in the pillows. ”Cloud, man,” Reno said carefully approaching his lover. ”How the fuck did you expect me to react?”

”I don't know,” Cloud said, curling his hands into fists, hitting the mattress hysterically. ”I don't know,” he groaned high pitched.

Reno sat down, gently stroking Clouds naked calf, ”You're wearing my shirt” Reno said softly. ”It's very becoming,” he tried with a merrier tone, hoping that Cloud would at least turn and look at him, ”I didn't know you missed me that much.”

Cloud turned his head, looking down at Reno who still caressed Cloud's calves, moving to the feet, putting slight pressure on them, kneading the sore tissue. ”Mmmmm that's nice,” Cloud purred, closing his eyes. Reno smiled, it wasn't much, but at least it was positive reaction. Pulling Cloud's feet up on his lap, Reno continued to massage them while looking at Clouds face. Starting to caress the feet more than massaging, Reno lifted one of Cloud's feet up and kissed it softly. Cloud just smiled, his eyes closed. ”You look beautiful in my shirt, you should wear it more,” Reno mumbled, kissing Cloud's foot again, running his tongue up the ankle, his hands searching further up Cloud's leg, encountering the fabric of his own shirt with his fingertips. ”Forgive me?” Reno asked in a childish innocent tone.

Cloud opened his eyes and looked at his lover, he wanted to be mad, he wanted to drown himself in sorrow and frustration, but Reno just felt so damn good, and when the rough hands snuck under the shirt and in between his butt cheeks with teasing fingertips, Cloud gave in, rolling to his back with a loud purr, he raised the leg that Reno had been holding, ”Give me more of that and we can talk about forgiveness.”

Reno ran his hand back up Clouds thigh and calf, taking hold of the foot he had been offered, ”You got it,” Reno smirked, caressing Cloud's foot carefully before kissing the toes individually, sucking all of them softly, suggestively. Cloud just draped an arm over his face and bit his lip, how Reno loved him like that. Abandoning the foot, Reno kissed and licked his way further up the milky white leg, caressing the soft skin. ”My beautiful, sexy Cloud,” he mumbled, receiving a faint blissful sigh in return.

His hands crept up under the shirt, encountering Cloud's groin, running his fingers up Cloud's erection he smiled to himself, grazing the soft inner thigh with his teeth. Pushing the shirt up, Reno gave Cloud's erect cock a kiss before sitting up, pulling his own shirt over his head. Cloud opened his eyes, watching Reno undress, waiting with a smirk. Once Reno had gotten out of his clothes, he crawled up and kissed Cloud's lips softly. ”Fuck me,” he whispered. ”Yes,” Cloud whispered back.

Moving off Cloud, Reno laid flat on his stomach in the bed, looking at Cloud who was about to pull his shirt off. ”Keep it on,” Reno purred, receiving a dirty grin from his lover. Leaving the shirt, Cloud moved behind Reno, kissing Reno's sharp shoulder blades, licking the lines they made. Biting the skin gently, he moved his hand down between Reno's legs who parted willingly for it, rubbing, stroking and stretching while pinning Reno to the mattress with his body weight alone, soon had them both short of breath. ”I'm gonna fuck you now,” he whispered in Reno's ear. ”Yes,” Reno whispered back ”Oh, gods yes, fuck me.”

Pulling Reno's ass up, Cloud held on to his lovers hips, rubbing his erection between Reno's cheeks smearing it with his pre-ejaculate. When he finally started to inch inside, both men hissed from a mix of pain and desire. ”So good,” Cloud purred, pushing himself further inside. Both were sweating when Cloud finally started to move, grabbing Reno's hips tighter, forcing the tempo.

”Ah yes, fuck me baby, god dammit, fuck me,” Reno moaned, pushing against the headboard of the bed, to receive the impact harder.

Cloud tried frantically to think of something, but couldn't, he could just move his hips, his brain registered only desire, the urge to explode in a mind numbing orgasm, there was no room for words. Finally he stuttered, ”Almost.”

Reno reached down with one arm, stroking his own engorged erection. It happened fast, faster than he expected, the sharp explosion of lust erupted throughout his body. He faintly heard Cloud moan something, but the hammering of his heart drowned everything else out.

Cloud collapsed on his back, gasping for breath. ”Fuck yeah,” he mumbled trying to catch his breath. Reno started to roll over, and Cloud moved to give him space, only to lay down again, snuggling up to Reno's sweaty body. Silence descended upon the room, only their heavy breathing was heard until Reno cleared his throat, caressing Cloud's back in lazy strokes, ”Cloud, don't get mad at me now, but...were you really serious earlier?”

”Yes,” Cloud whispered back hoarsely.

Reno fell silent again, thinking. Cloud suddenly stirred, popping up on an elbow, looking at Reno in the dark ”The doctors here could take it away, cut it out, or whatever they are going to do, don't you think?”

”Shinra?” Reno asked surprised, ”You want Shinra doctors to remove your...your...”

”I thought about it, yes,” Cloud said with a strange expression. ”I don't know where else to go” Cloud flopped backwards on the mattress, rubbing his face with his hands.

”Baby,” Reno said softly, reaching out, placing his warm hand on Cloud's flat stomach, rubbing the skin under the belly button with his thumb, ”You're not thinking straight.”

Cloud swatted Reno's hand away from his abdomen, ”Don't touch me,” he howled, moving away from his lover.

”Cloud listen to yourself,” Reno begged, reaching for Cloud again, grabbing his arm. ”Shinra...you know that...” Reno groaned resting his head on Cloud's shoulder. ”I shouldn't even be saying this, I would be skinned alive if anyone heard about it, but you are important to me, Cloud.” Cloud relaxed somewhat again, and settled back into the bed. ”You don't want Shinra doctors to do anything for you, they would have a field day if you came to them willingly, do you really think that they would just remove your unwanted creature? Don't you think they would take the chance it is to study your DNA some more?”

Cloud let out a shuttering breath, ”It's me or that thing,” Cloud whispered, sorrow obvious in his voice. Turning his head he looked directly at Reno again ”It's not a cuddly baby, Reno. It is a creature that is eating me from the inside, I didn't get any explanation as to how it got there, but its safely nestled in there, living off my heart blood. It has to go Reno, its a monster, I am not a woman, I don't have a womb, or a vagina...explain to me how it is supposed to grow or be born, what will it feed off of?”

Reno felt all blood disappear from his face, ”Are you sure its not some parasite you have? I mean...are you sure it has something to do with you and me?”

”No,” Cloud whispered, ”The doctor told me that...” He shook his head slightly. “Maybe...”

”As in you and me? Or?” Reno asked, kissing Cloud's shoulder tenderly. Cloud smiled bitterly, ”It's mine,” he whispered into the dark with so much malice that Reno felt his heart skip a beat. ”But...” Cloud took a deep breath ”I've never had another man but you, so I don't know...if...you...”

”Truly?” Reno whispered surprised, ”I didn't know.”

”Of course you didn't,” Cloud whispered, ”I never told you.”

”Well, I should have noticed...” Reno chuckled dryly, ”I'm sorry, baby.”

”It's okay,” Cloud said, turning his back to Reno, who snuggled up holding Cloud tight up against his body, ”Lets just sleep, its a long day tomorrow.”

”Yes,” Reno whispered against Cloud's hair, both knew that sleep would be near impossible tonight, but there was nothing they could do right now.

~*~

Cloud tossed his sword against the old worn table. He was covered in blood, even his hair was dyed red with that creatures insides. ”Disgusting,” Cloud mumbled to himself. Looking around for a cloth or something in the abandoned cottage he could use to wipe himself off, he heard Yuffie outside yelling ”A pond Cloud, there is a pond!” And then a whole lot of laughing, giggling, pushing and shoving as the others tried to get out their equally filthy clothes and jump into the cool water.

”Are you staying in here?” Vincent asked, standing in the door, looking at his friend, standing staring at the others through the dirty window.

”Yea,” Cloud mumbled, ”I'm gonna wait a while, till all the commotion is over.”

”Ah, I see,” Vincent said, crossing his arms over his chest.

Cloud shrugged, ”I just don't want to bathe right now.”

”If you say so,” Vincent said, silently slipping out the cottage.

~*~

The moon had risen when Cloud finally walked down to the pond, the others was around, he heard them. Some whispering with muffled voices, others breathing heavy in their sleep. Cloud slipped out of his clothes, testing the water with his toes, he decided it was nice and cold, and slowly stepped out into the black water. Going under head first he swam to the other side of the pond where he emerged again, gasping for breath. With a grateful sigh he rested his back against the steep side of the pond and let his legs float in the icy water. The moon made his skin look all ghost like, he could see he had received a deep gash from a talon on his shin. ”Dammit,” he mumbled probing the gash gently. He would heal up pretty fast, even if it was deep. All wounds but one, he thought to himself, and without a thought to it, let his fingertips run over the fine scar across his abdomen.

Sighing deeply Cloud rested his head on the bank and looked up at the moon, it had been years since he had seen Reno last, one day Cloud had just gone out, and never come back. He had not even talked to Reno since, he had avoided all the phone calls, and they had stopped completely a year ago. How could he tell him that he couldn't stand his touch? That he couldn't live with what had transpired between them, the hurt he had suffered. He had gone behind Reno's back and had the thing removed, he had not even seen it, he didn't want to know. In his mind it was a monster with tentacles to suck his life out of him, but what if it had in fact been a soft baby with deep blue eyes like Reno? What if he had robbed it of its life? Cloud furrowed his brows, there was no need to think of that now, it was done and over. There was nothing he could change about it now. He had tried to run, remove himself, his person, as far from Midgar as he could, but his memories didn't care where he was. He knew that he someday would run across Reno again, but he hoped it would be a long time yet. On nights like this he wished things had been different, that it had never happened, that he had never learned that about himself, that something would never again let himself share himself intimately with someone again. And did he really want someone? He wanted Reno, the one person he refused to even talk to. But if it had been different, if Reno had been here right now, laying beside him with that stupid smirk on his face staring off into the sky too, he would probably have farted in the water, claiming it was a do it yourself jacuzzi. Cloud smiled to himself, he would have liked that, even Reno being obnoxious would have been better than this void. But he was not here, and never would be again. That thought always made Cloud sad, but nothing could change it now.

”Cloud?” A voice said at his right side.

Cloud whipped his head to the side, looking directly into Vincent's red eyes. ”Vincent,” He sighed, relaxed.

”I just didn't want you to fall asleep in the water,” Vincent said.

”I was thinking,” Cloud said with a clipped voice.

Vincent held out his iron claw for Cloud to take it, ”Come, there is no need pondering over things you can't change.”

Cloud raised a surprised brow, taking Vincent's hand, hoisting himself up on the bank, ”Leave the pondering to me, Cloud.”

Cloud shook his head, ”You never change.”

”Maybe some day when my pondering is over,” Vincent said cryptically, vaguely smiling at Cloud.

”Yes,” Cloud mumbled, starting to walk to the other side of the pond where his clothes lay in a neat pile. ”Maybe some day.”

the end.