Author: azzy
beta: goodbye_sun

je ne t'aime plus mon amour
je ne t'aime plus tous les jours

You know, I never thought I would walk through this door again, I feel equally happy and ashamed. I remember walking out this door that night, I told myself that I would never return, I would never want to see you ever again, and I would run, run so far that you would never ever find me, so far I would forget you ever existed.

Why did I pick up that phone? I knew it was you calling in the middle of the night. Maybe because I couldn't sleep, or maybe because I missed your voice? ”Please come home” were your words. I should have stood my ground, but instead I found myself grabbing my still unopened bag, hurrying to my bike.

Perhaps I knew this would happen all along, we do this over and over, it seems like it is a part of who we are. You open the door and pull me into a desperate embrace which I return. I missed you just as much as you missed me, neither of us say it out loud, but we both know it.

”Never do that again,” I whisper. ”Never betray me again.”

You nod with your head against my shoulder. ”Forgive me,” you whisper back.

I wanted to say something hurtful, but as you let go of me and held me out in your outstretched arms, looking intensely at me, I knew it was futile, I had forgiven you as much as I could. ”You're forgiven,” I say, but it feels like a lie.

”Are you hungry?” you ask, looking at me with a worried expression.

I'm not really hungry, but I can smell that you cooked something for me, so I nod. I can tell by your smile I was right.

You are so damn pretentious Reno! You knew I'd come running didn't you?

I drop my bag, and walk after you into the kitchen, I lean against the fridge and watch you pull plates out of the cupboard, ”Was it something I did?” I finally ask. That question had been burning inside since I realised you had sought tenderness somewhere else.

You almost drop the cutlery, ”No,” you say, your voice is chipper but your body language gives you away.

”Don't lie to me, not now,” I beg, my eyes still fixed on your back.

You slump slightly, then sigh and nod. ”I...I...” you mumble, turning to face me. ”It just happened,” you finally say, unable to meet my eyes.

”Oh, I see,” I say merciless in my tone, ”And for how long did it just happen?” I cross my arms over my chest. ”How many times, Reno?” You don't answer and still avert my eyes, ”I think I have the right to know.”

You sigh again, and finally raise your gaze to look at me, ”Three months, and I don't know how many times,” you finally say.

”That's a long fucking 'just',” I say, my voice low and dark.

”I know,” you say, stepping towards me again. ”But you lost that, that spark, you didn't seem to care for anything.”

I blink, I lost the spark? I thought I was dead and boring. ”You stopped desiring me,” I answer.

”No I didn't, how could I do that?” You look confused, and hurt. You step even closer and rest your hands on my hip. ”You are beautiful, Cloud. You are more than that you are perfect, tell me how could I stop desiring perfect?”

I raise a questioning brow, I really want to play it cool, I want to make you squirm. Honestly then I don't even understand why I need that, you already have me, I came back didn't I? Like the times before, like a dog to its master. ”You tell me,” I reply harshly, pursing my lips sweetly, contradicting my own words. I am pathetic.

You rest your head on my shoulder, sighing. And I get a slight feeling of deja vu. ”Maybe..Maybe I am not cut out for relationships,” you mumble against my shoulder pad.

I want to object and tell you its rubbish, but I don't. Maybe you really are right, and if I can call upon you to not lie, I see no reason why I shouldn't tell the truth also. So I don't answer, I just wrap my arms around you, holding you tight. ”Want a beer?” you suddenly ask, ruining the moment completely.

”Sure,” I say, letting you go. It pisses me off that I see my own circle, I can see what it is we do, but it hurts me to know that we will run ourselves dry someday, love can only stand that many blows, even the love we used to have for each other, the love we thought would never end. But this time is different, this time there is something dirty and gritty about it, since you don't really believe I forgave you, and I don't really believe that you love me. I am tired, tired of loving only to have it taken from me, death in battle is more lenient than death by time and indifference.

You hand me the beer and I smile to you, you smile back. I wonder if you think its this easy? ”Thanks,” I mutter before I take a sip of the beer. ”Reno?” I ask, seeing your smile fade, knowing what comes next is bad. ”I ask you this once, and I will never ask again,” I say with a slight whisper, ”Why did you decide to tell me about your lover?” You pale, trying to stay cool, drinking your beer, but I know you too well. ”Was it because you were caught? Or because....”

You cut me off, ”I walked past Arieth's church.”

”Oh” I hadn't expected that at all, ”Did you go in?” I hear myself ask, not willing to admit that it has been a really long time since I was there last.

You shake your head slowly, ”I didn't have to,” you say with a gentle, nervous smile. ”I suddenly remembered what it was that defined us.”

I raise a brow, surprised. ”What? Trying to kill each other? If I remember correctly then the last time we were...”

”No you idiot” You laugh, ”I was just reminded of the why.”

”Why what?” I ask, already knowing the answer.

”Why I love you, Cloud Strife, Soldier first class,” you say, smiling so sweetly that I have no choice but to believe you.
Good Reno, because I don't know the answer to that myself. I have to smile, you are so sweet as you stand there with your stupid beer and a nervous smile. I am the only one that ever made you nervous, not even Rufus Shinra can boost himself with that. You always seem to have shifty eyes and sweaty palms in my company. ”I love you too,” I whisper, knowing its the truth, no matter how pathetic it is, no matter what stupid games we play, the fact is, I love you.

The end