I ONCE KNEW A BOY

Summary: So Kira writes letters to Setsuna, letters no one will ever read. 
An: These are such small drabbles that i put them all on the same site. The lj community is no longer, but that doesn't change the fact that i can finish my prompts if i want to. :)

Prompt: 10c - 006 - Rain

Who am I kidding? It's not like you will ever receive this letter, I don't even know why the hell I am writing it. It's funny really, I have never had a pen on me in my life, neither any other of my reincarnations have ever bothered to carry one. None but Kira Sakuya, He always has at least one pen on him, at all times.

This body served me well, it did more than serve me, it gave me something, something I never thought I would have. Do you know why this incarnation is so dear to me? It's true that I stayed close to you at all times, because you carry the essence of my beloved Alexiel, and I started out making my deal with Kira, the real Kira, to hunt you down, to stay close. Even if it was under false pretences, I had done that so many times before, so I thought nothing of it really, all I wanted was to stay close to Alexiel, buried deep within your soul. 

When did I loose sight of Alexiel, and started to see Setsuna instead? I don't know. I'm so confused. 

Setsuna? Did you know it never rains in heaven? It don't. That is a previlege the mortals have all to themselves. And I am going to miss the rain, the thunder, the wind, just like I am going to miss the taste of Coffee, and a late tv movie. I have grown to love the little imperfections that mortal life has, and right now I wish that everything was back to how it had been before Sara died. If only you had never awakened Alexiel, if only you had.. uhm, maybe fallen in love with someone else. 

I wonder what it is that makes you human. Is it what you do? Or who you are? 

I think I will hold on to this pen a little longer.

Prompt: 10c - 001 - color

I think this body will give out soon, i can feel it failing, like if someone was trying to pull me off a cliff, i swear it is the oddest sensation. But i won't leave yet, i can't leave yet. You need me, right?

I should really be upset shouldn't I? I told the police i killed Katu so you and Sara could escape, i still wonder why i did that. Maybe i was just trying to find a way to make sure that i would keep my promise to the real Kira Sakuya. I gave him one promise in exchange for his body, i promised him i would read and learn, which i have done. But i also promised him i would never let his father grief his son twice, and therefor i had to make him hate me. I tried Setsuna, i really did, doing everything a father would hate his son doing, hoping he would just disown me, but he kept on trying. I suppose i underestimated his love for his son? I felt terribly guilty for breaking that old man's heart, it was most confusing, but i found that i had never wanted to do that, i had liked being his son, i think i forgot my mission a little. Was it my endless circle of reincarnations that gave me these unwelcomed feelings? Or was it just this one? Was it Kira's father, or was it you? I don't know, i can't tell the difference at this moment, but know that i felt loved.

Why do i always fail keeping you safe?

Your hair have the color of wheat, did you know that? Alexiel's is chestnut. You know, i am actually laughing at myself right now, i am being silly. But you know what the worst part is? I can never tell you, i can never tell anyone.

Things were so much easier before, i wish that i had never met you, i wish that i had never had the thought of breaking into Eden. I wanted to see the ice princess, i wanted to see God's most cruel invention. And you were, you are by far the cruellest of them all. And i love you for it.

What was it called that fairytale where the princess woke when kissed by the prince? Wonder if i could kiss you and you'd wake. Because i am the prince, the brightest of them all, and you are the princess, cold and lifeless.

I just know you would laugh at me.

I hate being human.

Prompt: 10c - 009 - wish

I feel like dancing, I want to dance, drink and fornicate. You have no idea how long it has been since I felt like doing that. I wonder if I just trapped myself in the whole stoic, serious act of being Lucifer.

I wish I could take your hand and waltz you through my halls, show you their splendour. But I can't, not just because you are no longer breathing, but because the part of you that is Setsuna would absolutely hate it. You defended me hotly against Adam Kadamon when he told you I was an evil spirit caught in the blood stone. The Nanatsusaya. That's what you think I am, a murderer stuck in a cursed stone.

Wonder what you would have done, had the holy hermit told you what I really am?

You will hate me when you realise the truth, and you soon will. I am not sure I want you to know, I am not sure I want you to look at me with loathing written across your face. I made a promise to the real Kira, and Kira made a promise to you. I will fight by your side for as long as I can keep Kira's body going, I promise!

Goddamit I feel like a drink, loud music and you by my side. Guess that is one of those things we should have done when we had the chance. That moment has passed, I know that for a fact. You and I will never dance anywhere to any tune.

Prompt: 10c - 005 - parents

I wonder if you ever miss your mother, did you ever have good times? you must have, i am almost positive you did. I heard you all the times you complained about how unjust you thought she was, but what about all those times you said nothing, was that the good times? Maybe you realised it, maybe you didn't, i can't very well ask you. But you have to remember the good times, don't linger on the heartbreak. Seems funny this comes from me, but i mean it. As i sit here and write this i would rather remember all the good times i had with you, with my father, with Katu, as Kira. I am trying to ignore the facts that i am an imposter, that it was never my life, yet i tell myself that these memories were real, and they are mine.

I will miss Kira's father, he is a good man, he really tried so hard, and no matter how the hell i tried to scare him away, he would stick to his love for his son. Not even when i showed him proof that i am not his son, that what he brought up believing was his son, is nothing but an illusion. Silly old man, silly old man with a big heart. When i made the deal with the real Kira i would have thought that it was easier to go through with, that it would be nothing to make that stupid old man hate me. But infact it turned out to be very hard. Me who have slain hundreds or thousands of souls, without blinking. I found it almost impossible to hurt this old man's feelings like i did.

Just like i will have to hurt yours when the time comes, over and over and over i will fail you, just know it does not come easy to me, but i am what i am, and the game started. And it is I who has to finish it.